Welcome to the New Cities and congratulations on being accepted into Salvage Expeditors Incorporated’s Special Assassination and Removal Agent Program (SARAP).
As noted in your agent agreement, you will be targeting fugitives who are too dangerous for regular law enforcement, and are not eligible or cannot afford incarceration in one of our award-winning corporate prison programs.
Enlisting as a SARAP agent is not only a lucrative pursuit; it can also ensure you a consistent supply of fresh, legal viscera.
This FAQ compiles information relevant to duly-licensed contractors who will be living and hunting in the New Cities (as well as in participating affiliate jurisdictions).
Specifically, it focuses on useful pre-departure information that you need to be aware of before joining one of our 20 local offices. We hope to make your transition into the corporation as exciting and risk-managed as possible.
1. Qualifications and Documentation
a. Do you have a valid passport? – All manananggals are required to bring a valid passport when flying from one territory to another (regardless of whether aircraft is used for travel or not).
b. Do you have an employment contract? – Hunting without a signed, official contract from Salvage Expeditors, Inc. is illegal and carries serious consequences.
c. Do you have valid Health Coverage? – Salvage operations carry a considerable amount of risk. While the company will co-pay for basic physical injuries in the line of duty (please refer to the employee handbook for more information), all contractors are required to provide their own comprehensive insurance coverage. Please ensure that there is a rider for blood-borne pathogens such as HIV, hepatitis and hemorrhagic Fever.
a. Do you have a valid Hunting License? – Please ensure that your Hunting license has at least 6 months validity before reporting to your designated office. You may be required to present proof of a recent positive kill by your local Human Resources officer.
b. Do you have your Overseas Employment Badge? – Do not go anywhere without your OEB. This badge serves as your exit clearance at immigration posts and exempts you from all travel taxes and airport fees. When flying under your own power, the built-in transponder also serves to identify you to local air-defense commands. Salvage Expeditors Inc. will not be held liable if you are shot down because you are NOT wearing your OEB — even if you are carrying out an officially-sanctioned activity.
3. Before you move to a New City
a. Have you ensured that your lower body parts have been shipped correctly? – Remember to vacuum pack the two halves of your abdomen to prevent spillage. Always ensure that the container you use has NO traces of salt, vinegar or ashes. Shipping insurance is mandatory.
b. Have you done your pre-flight medical examination? – The company reserves the right to refuse employment or forcibly terminate any pregnancies that may interfere with carrying out salvage duties.
a. Have you already received your placement? – No placement means no hunting ground. You may negotiate with another SARAP agent to increase the size of your jurisdiction. However if negotiations result in the death of one party, the surviving agent must pay compensation and indemnify the company from any subsequent liability.
5. Arriving and Housing
a. Have you secured dormitory space? – Manananggals, like all overseas foreign workers, are required to stay in their assigned dormitories for hygiene reasons and to ensure harmony with their host community. You must remember that you are a guest of the New Cities, no matter how long you have been employed by Salvage Expeditors, Inc. You are contractually obligated to limit your non-work interactions with citizens as much as possible.
b. Are agents allowed to visit the New Cities when not on a hunt? – Please consult your employee handbook to learn about the wonderful and exciting shopping areas that are open to special contractors like you. All other areas are off-limits when not on duty.
6. Jurisdiction and Enforcement
a. What happens if you cross the border of your assigned New City? – If you cross your jurisdiction’s borders in pursuit of a target, you will get shot down by local law enforcement or attacked by the manananggal whose territory you crossed. Always remember to set your geo-tag alarms to prevent this.
b. Why do I need to carry a Salvage special power-of-attorney (SSPA)? – You must present this document to your target before carrying out a sentence. A kill is not valid without it. Where possible, please take a picture of yourself explaining the SSPA to your target.
c. Do I need proof-of-kill? – Before consuming your target remember to take a blood sample for positive identification, and do not forget to get his or her thumbprint in the acknowledgement portion of the SSPA. Also, remember to provide evidence that the body has been disposed off. You will not be paid for your work without any proof.
a. What happens if I do not kill my target? – You will be fired, arrested and deported. You are only as good as your last kill.
b. What happens if I do not eat my target? – You are required by law to consume what you hunt. However you may store any leftovers in designated freezers at your dormitory for a maximum of 15 days.
c. What happens if I do not clean up? – Salvage Expediters Inc. prides itself in being a responsible corporate citizen. You will be disciplined and fined if you do not clean and disinfect your worksite. Consult your employee handbook for more details.
d. Can I give/donate my target’s body? – No.
e. What happens if you kill a non-target? – You will be arrested, your wings clipped and your body immediately re-purposed. No compensation will be paid to your next-of-kin.
8. Other questions
a. Is it true that sometimes your target is not the actual person convicted of the grave offence? – The New Cities have a progressive criminal justice system that is the envy of the entire world. Every productive citizen who meets a certain income, IQ or genetic desirability level has the right to purchase their freedom by paying selected members of the immigrant community to receive punishment on their behalf. The family of the latter is then provided immediate citizenship, as well as a generous financial package.
b. Are Manananggals eligible for this special citizenship program? – No. You and your kind are unfortunately not eligible for citizenship.
Thank you for joining Salvage Expeditors, Inc. We hope you enjoy your SARAP contract period in the New Cities and happy hunting!